oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
