Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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