went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
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Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
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Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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