I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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