At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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