I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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