I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize