he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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