U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
