he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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