Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
