whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
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