he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
