No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
