hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
