i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
