There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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