we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
