I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
