So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
