"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
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