So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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