Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
