I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
