Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
