If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
another moral hangover. fuck.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
