i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
