the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
