You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
