Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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