i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
