i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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