She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
