Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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