there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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