She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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