I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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