Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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