I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
