i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
