Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
