That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
