There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
