Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
