I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
