His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
