i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
