i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
His nipple licking is glorious
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