the condom got lost in my hair
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
