i'm signing you up for texting rehab
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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