Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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