thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
