Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
