Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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