Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
