you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
