I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
