lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
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GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
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If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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