i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize