she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
