Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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