I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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