And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
