I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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