I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Come see our sink grown plant.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
