It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
