dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I just want to make out with him forever
i now understand why vodka
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
