Moan for me like Helen Keller
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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