dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
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just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
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I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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