i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
