Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
