i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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