Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
The struggles of a small town man whore
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
