Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
