Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
