Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
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he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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