his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
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