Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
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