My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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